He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!–Psalm 113:9
It’s May–Mother’s Day and my birthday month! I love this time of year. The flowers are blooming, my allergies are overreacting, the weather is warm enough to be outside but cool enough to not be overwhelmed with the humidity, and it’s my birthday! (Can you tell I love my birthday?!)
But first, next Sunday is Mother’s Day. I have to admit that for several years, this day was truly difficult for me. I longed to be a mother. Each year that went by, my arms felt heavier by the emptiness. Fertility test after fertility test and still no baby. Yet my sister was having babies. And my best friends were having babies. And my cousins who had struggled with infertility as well were having babies. When you want something so badly but can’t seem to get it, that “thing”–whatever it is–suddenly begins to appear everywhere you go.
I remember being invited to one baby shower after another, excited for my friends and family, but aching inside. I even had to stop following one person who wrote a blog post about how she was barren until she confessed her sin. Now she has four children. In her post, she made it very clear that she believes women who are barren must be there because of sin in their life. And so, I searched my heart, cried out to God, and sought out what sin I could possibly still be committing that would leave me barren. But God did not reveal anything to me. And still I waited.
Those were some dark days for me. My focus was just on becoming a mother. I wanted nothing else. Five years I waited. The infertility treatments made me overly hormonal. And they did nothing else. We were running out of possibilities that insurance would cover.
But we had always wanted to adopt. Before we were married, we had talked about having biological children AND adopted children. There are over 130 million orphans in the world, and we wanted to provide a safe and loving home to as many as we could. We knew that was our hearts’ desire.
So, God changed our focus. No longer did it make sense to us to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments that, according to my doctor, were very unlikely to work. It was time to pursue adoption.
Once we started working with our attorney, we were matched within three months, picked our baby up from the hospital after four more months, and finalized by the end of the summer. Finally, we were parents!
I want to tell you that the journey was easy. I want to tell you that each Mother’s Day is no longer hard. But while adoption makes a family, it also divides a family. It was a blessing for me to become a mother, but another woman lovingly gifted that opportunity to me. Three times, in fact. So, each Mother’s Day that I am blessed by my three children, I also remember another mother who gave them life and loved them enough to let them go.
I don’t know what your story to motherhood is. Each woman has a unique story to tell. For some, it’s easy. For others, Mother’s Day is a bittersweet day, one to remember loss and one to celebrate the women in our lives who are like mothers to us. Some of my friends are reeling from the loss of their unborn child. And some are waiting on the miracle of a new birth. Others are celebrating finalizing their adoptions. Yet some are struggling with another disruption, wondering why God allowed them to fall in love with a baby that would never be theirs.
I don’t have the answers to your questions. I know that there is sin in the world that has created unnatural outcomes that God never intended for His creation. And I know some things remain a mystery–for now. But I also know that God is not calling you to walk through this journey alone.
I had the privilege of sharing my story, along with 29 other women, in Mothers in Waiting–Healing and Hope for Those With Waiting Arms. Each woman shares her journey through infertility with hope and healing for your soul. And in honor of Mother’s Day and my birthday, I am giving away a copy to one lucky reader! Just enter here: a Rafflecopter giveaway
Be sure to go to my Facebook page and like and share in order to receive more entries. The giveaway ends on Mother’s Day at midnight.